


GBBS Unsolved

by spagaytti



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Great British Baking Show AU, How Do I Tag, I Am Not British, basically Shane and Ryan host the Great British Baking Show, but could be read as romantic i guess, its rated teen because they say fuck a lot, this is platonic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28653543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spagaytti/pseuds/spagaytti
Summary: Shane and Ryan some how find themselves in Britain, not completely sure how they got there. Stumbling upon a small clearing with a large tent, they have to bluff their way through hosting The Great British Baking Show.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	GBBS Unsolved

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Anyone involved in the GBBS is most definitely some sort of cryptid. This is directly based on Collection 5 ep. 1 because of both a random number generator, and two it has one of my favorite quotes ever, so if you recognize it you get bragging rights (it’s not in this chapter tho). But if you want context or want what the cakes look like, go wild. I am not doing all of the actual people though because of ✨storytelling✨ This is also only my second fic ever so I’m really not that great of a writer. You can find me on tumblr and a rebloggable version of this fic @wherdtonygo.  
> The word count for this chapter is 2,078.

“Ghost hunting in the day? Really, Ryan?” Shane questioned as they both walked through the woods surrounding Welford Park. Mid spring in the UK meant unpredictable weather patterns, so both boys held hooked umbrellas in the crook of their arms. They trudged through ground softened from the melted snow.

“Shut up, Shane. Britain is one of the most haunted countries in the world, day OR night,” Ryan huffed, adjusting his backpack. They only brought handheld cameras and no film crew, pretty uncommon considering their line of work. The backpack rested lightly on Ryan's shoulders. There wasn’t enough stuff to justify two backpacks, and most was ghost stuff so it became Ryan’s responsibility.

“Who counted that? The 2020 census?”

Whirr ca chict

Shane, still giggling at his joke, barely noticed Ryan freeze in fear. The sound had echoed around the forest so it could have come from anywhere. Ryan scanned the surrounding trees and felt slightly claustrophobic.

“Dude, did you hear that?” Ryan hissed under his breath. His hand moved to grab a plastic water bottle that held his holy water. Chances were the noise wasn’t a demon, or even a ghost. But the crumpled plastic water bottle calmed him down enough to think semi-rationally.

“It sounded like- no that’s dumber than some ghost.” Shane looked away as if weighing the possibility of whatever he had thought of.

“What does it sound like, Shane?” Ryan asked, clearly annoyed. Shane’s behavior tamped down his fear. Or, at least, gave him something else to focus on. 

“Well, it SOUNDS like a Kitchen-Aid,” Shane replied, mocking Ryan.

“How do you even know what a Kitchen-Aid sounds like?”

“I bake!”

“More like get baked,” Ryan mumbled. He looked Shane up and down, seeing his long hair and colorful shirt. He did look like a stoner. Maybe that was the real reason he moved to California.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing. Shut up.” Ryan shrugged off a strap of his backpack. He brought it in front of him as he slowed his pace, unzipping the pack to pull out the spirit box. They both stopped walking, missing the small clearing ahead of them.

“Why, Ryan, why.” Shane looked at him like a kid who kept touching his birthday candles, pitiful disappointment.

“Brace yourself, dumbass,” Ryan said, his annoyance palpable. The spirit box wailed to life, starting its loud hissing and spitting. 

“I don’t know what you’re expecting. I never hear anything you do, and it’s mid-afternoon for god's sake, Ryan-”

Ca ctk cake- chich kptch

“Did the demon box just say cake?” Shane looked at his friend with amusement shining in his eyes. 

“Ma- maybe? I mean it did say spaghetti apple tater that one time.” Ryan mumbled, mostly to himself. 

“Is that what you want in the afterlife? This juicy as-”

“DUDE, SHUT UP!” Ryan glared at Shane but ripped his death-stare away as the spirit box choked back to life.

Ca- cake we- kapthch cake week

“Cake… week? Did I hear that right?” 

“Wait a minute, we’re in Welford Park, Berkshire, right?” Shane asked, the gears slowly turning in his head.

“Yeah, why?”

“Hey, what ghosts are even supposed to live here?”

“Well, they’re not living-”

“Oh my god, Ryan, none of that is real, none of it matters!”

“It is real and- wait, why are we here? We’re in the middle of a park, in daylight, ghost hunting, and- I can’t even remember how I got here.” Ryan’s face paled at the realization. “How did we get here, Shane?” Ryan turned to look at his friend who wasn’t there. “Shane?!” Worry and fear began to overtake the general anxiety of ghost hunting.

“No way!” Shane had run ahead of Ryan in the direction they had been traveling before. He stopped in front of a previously obscured clearing. Quickly catching up to him, Ryan peeked out from behind the Wall of Shane to see a big white tent in the middle of a large clearing. 

Shane had a stupid look of curiosity plastered across his face. He stared at the tent with his lopsided smirk. Ryan whipped his head back and forth between the tent and Shane. He obviously knew something Ryan didn’t. 

“Shane, what the f-”

“Welcome, contestants, to the Great British Baking Show! Where 12 fresh, amateur bakers will compete for the title of final star baker!” Prue exclaimed excitedly. “Ah, and here come our celebrity hosts! Shane Madej and Ryan Bergara, ghost-hunting show hosts from the ever popular, Buzzfeed Unsolved!”

Shane moved into the clearing with Ryan closely tailing him. They were obviously trapped in some pocket of time and space, Ryan reasoned (obviously). They didn’t know how they had gotten there, but seemed to be expected by the others in the clearing. 

Ryan considered booking it back to the forest but figured he would at least need to outrun Shane, who would most likely beat him in a race just by walking. Ryan shifted behind his friend again to put some sort of distance between his personal hell of 1) possibly getting kidnapped, and 2) not being prepared for some sort of important-looking event. Shane didn’t appear to have the same, very rational, fear of not knowing What. The. Fuck. Was. Happening. Shane clapped his hands together, and, with a big-ass grin, started closer to the Tent of Doom, as dubbed by Ryan.

“Sorry we were late.. got a little held up by… um, British traffic,” Shane finished awkwardly. “You know how it is.” Damn, those improv classes were not worth whatever Shane paid for them. But, they were the ghoul boys. A packaged deal, if you will. Ride or die. And if they survived this, Ryan would personally see to it that Shane became the ‘die’ part of the deal. Something about the whole situation seemed off. Well, not including the more glaring reasons. But Shane was- while not uncharacteristically unbothered, more comfortable than any sane human being would be. While Ryan started seriously giving more credence to the demon-Shane theory.

Unbeknownst to a spiraling Ryan, Shane was having the time of his life. He always watched the Great British Baking Show the night it aired on Netflix, back home in his apartment. A fact which he might take to his grave (but would probably have to tell Ryan). This might actually be a dream come true, considering the strange circumstances that even Shane couldn’t explain away. But that wasn’t going to stop him from fucking around and making the most of it. And dragging Ryan along wasn’t half-bad either. He was in his element. Like history, Shane loved baking. And hosting a baking show might just be the high of his life. Shane faltered - only momentarily at how pathetic that sounded - but picked himself up again with the help of the excitement now radiating off him in waves.

“Me and little Bergara here are just stoked to be on the show!” Thank god for those improv classes or he might've just bounced his way through the whole show. Dragging along a very disgruntled and anxious Ryan, Shane followed the contestants and judges into the tent. 

Ryan tried to make one last break for the forest but Shane held his wrist tightly. God, sometimes he hated how well they knew each other. Trying new things was perfectly ok, just maybe not now. And maybe not- during… whatever the hell this was. Ryan considered his current predicament, and internally sighed. So, looking at Shane, with his wide grin, clearly enjoying himself, Ryan relented, and did what they did best; played a bit for however long they were entertained.

\--

“Hello and welcome again to the Great British Bake Off! Prue said enthusiastically. “Today, we kick off your baking journey with the infamous…” she trailed off.

“Cake week!” Shane finished. 

“Your first signature challenge will be a fresh-fruit, family sized cake. Choice of sponge is up to the bakers, as well as choice of fruit, but whatever you choose must be fresh.” She emphasized the final word and looked out at the contestants. “You have two hours for your fruity delights.”

Shane stepped up, pulling Ryan with him. “On your marks.”

“Get set?”

“Bake!” Shane yelled. Jesus, he was really into this. The judges stood back as the bakers got to work. They took out their recipes, and most started by grabbing their flour, measuring it into the Kitchen-Aid on their workspaces. Others started chopping fruits, already in the thrall of baking. Ryan yanked Shane to the side once he saw the judges were distracted.

“You wanna tell me what the Fuck is going on?!” he demanded. Shane looked down at him in wonder.

“You really don’t know what we’re doing, dude?” Ok, maybe he forgot about Ryan, but even the little guy could act.

“No, dude. I get dropped in a random British forest, hear an electric mixer, and cake week on the spirit box, and now I have to host a baking show?” Yeah, that did sound pretty not great. 

“Bu- but it’s the Great British Baking Show! Well, Great British Bake Off, anywhere besides the States.”

“Are you… are you fucking enjoying yourself?”

“Hey, all I know is that you said ‘Get set’ in the ‘On your marks, get set, bake’ so I kind of assumed we were just going to go with it.”

“I-,” Ryan clenched his fists. Most of Ryan’s willpower was directed at not decking Shane. “I am trying to not be in an Unsolved case, so I figured the best course of action was to follow along, after you basically picked me up and walked me over here!” Ryan seethed. Clearly trying his best not to attract the attention of the judges and contestants by speaking in a hushed yell. 

“Ok,” Shane paused and said again, “Ok.” Ryan was clearly freaked out in an unfamiliar space, which, while not entirely different from their jobs, was fairly reasonable. “What can I do to help you?” Shane used his calm voice associated with Ryan-centric problems. He had a lot of experience calming him down, and it became second-nature. Shane leaned away to give Ryan some space to breathe, but Ryan leaned in closer than before. That’s okay, if Ryan needed something stable, Shane would be a rock. 

“I just- could you let me know why you’re so calm? I mean, yeah, the great Madej never experiences emotions; but I keep getting angry over the fact that you’re oddly comfortable. It’s really freaking me out, man.” Ryan had relaxed a bit and spoke low instead of whisper-yelling. 

“Yeah, um, okay, so there’s this British show about baking-”

“Well, I figured that much.” Shane would be annoyed, but he was more relieved that Ryan was back into their casual banter.

“Well, 12 bakers compete to be the finalists, which are the last three contestants. Every week, someone goes home, and someone else gets awarded ‘Star Baker’, which basically means they did the best that week. Who goes home and who’s Star Baker gets decided by Prue and Paul,” Shane gestured at the judges overlooking the bakers. “And, each week there’s a signature, technical, and showstopper challenge.” Ryan nodded to himself, piecing together what Shane had explained and what was going on around him. 

“So what's the technical?” Ryan said after a beat of silence.

“It’s judged blind, so it’ll be just us, and Prue and Paul won’t know who made what. Everyone gets the same vague recipe and instructions from one of the judges on how to make some obscure pastry or some shit. Almost no one ever knows what the final result will look like, so it’s kind of a measure on how much you could think on your feet.” Another beat passed as Ryan looked out amongst the tables dirtying from the bakers’ work. Eyes darting to the judges, he looked back at Shane.

“But... what do we do?”

“Well, uh…” Shane trailed off. “Actually, the hosts just make stupid jokes and puns, kind of like mood lifters. But try not to interrupt or distract people too much.” A final pause.

“So... our current jobs.”

“Y-yeah I guess so.” Ryans eyes bugged out at something behind Shane. Shane spun on his heel and was met with one Prue Leith looking up at him.

“Are you ready to do your first walk-around, boys?” she asked cheerily. Shane turned back at Ryan and shrugged. Ryan relaxed a bit and gave a small nod and smile. 

Here goes nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> I will try my best to post a chapter of this every Saturday. I’m guessing this will be about 4-5 chapters in total, but we’ll see what happens. If you’re worried about getting invested in an unfinished fic and never seeing it to completion, fear not! It might take me forever, but I will finish this at some point this year (yeah I know it’s January, I’m setting reasonable resolutions this year).


End file.
